


Uncle Dean

by chriswinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, No Incest, No Slash, Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Post-Finale, Series Finale, Uncle Dean Winchester, barely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28886925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chriswinchester/pseuds/chriswinchester
Summary: Sam was going to be a father - which meant Dean was going to be an uncle.Except he wasn’t. Because Dean was never going to be anything ever again.--I still can't write summaries to save my life, but: Sam finds out Eileen is pregnant, and with that comes the terrifying, world shattering realization his kid is never going to meet his uncle.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Uncle Dean

_ He was going to be a father. _

That thought kept on taking up all the space in his head, had been doing so for the last three hours.

_ He was going to be a father. _

He tried to believe it, but his brain just couldn’t fathom it, it was so far from any future he’d ever imagined for himself. 

In nine months, there was going to be a living, breathing, new Winchester that he would have to take care of.

Laying on his bed, the small note Eileen had used to give him the news on the pillow next to him, Sam struggled to let himself believe it.

He was overjoyed at the idea, had told her as much, had hugged her and gotten emotional and did all the right things men who are about to be dads do, but as soon as she’d left for work the reality of it had hit him full force.

Because yes, he was going to be a father; and yes it was more than he’d ever allowed himself to even dream about and  _ yes _ , his heart burst at the sole idea of having a kid - but all of that paled in comparison to the overwhelming sense of  _ wrong  _ that infected him to the core.

_ He was going to be a father  _ \- which meant Dean was going to be an uncle.

Except he wasn’t. Because Dean was never going to be anything ever again, because he was dead and not there and it would miss it and  _ Sam was alone _ -

He tried to take a deep breath, to remind himself that this was a good thing, that Dean would have wanted him to be happy and enjoy the moment.

It didn’t work. Tears kept streaming down his face, his older brother’s favorite flannel wrapped around him and his watch tight around his wrist - all heavy reminders of what he couldn’t have anymore.

He wanted to be happy, to honor Dean’s memory by living for the both of them - but it was so damn hard, and days like this he just couldn’t do it.

How was he supposed to, when as soon as he read the note, his first instinct had been to run to tell Dean; how could he, when he could just about see the proud look he would have given him, the way he would have tried to avoid the chick flick moment but eventually given up and hugged him. 

A sob escaped his lips at the thought, just as the ugly image of the last time he’d held his brother made its way at the forefront of his memories.

_ He couldn't do this. He shouldn’t have to. He didn’t want to. _

Dean deserved to be there, damn it. If anyone, he did. 

The idea of a world where he’d have a child that was never going to know Dean, that would never go for rides in the Impala with him, was just so absurd, he didn’t know what to do with it.

It didn’t make sense, it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t how it was supposed to go. 

The worst part was that Dean would have made such an amazing uncle. Sam knew how his brother loved, so fiercely and completely, and he knew that kid would have been on the receiving end of every last inch of that love - just like he himself had been.

Images flooded his mind, of asking his big brother for advice; of seeking reassurance - because how the hell was he supposed to raise a kid?

Of Dean holding his nephew for the first time. Of Dean introducing them to pie way too early. Of Dean offering to babysit and blasting rock music at full volume- because god forbid his kid was going to have Sam’s crappy taste in music.

Of Dean doing for his child the same he’d done for him, minus the crushing responsibility that should never have been on his shoulders in the first place.

The carefree smiles he’d give, his soft side showing when he thought no one was watching. The stories he’d have to tell, the people he’d talk about, the worlds of fantasy and adventure he’d create for the little human that Sam knew would have become his brother’s pride and joy.

Dean was so good with kids, more than Sam had ever been. He had this way of making them trust him, that big brother aura that screamed comfort and safety - Sam had no doubt his little boy, or his little girl, would have liked him better. And he was okay with that.

_ Would have been _ okay with that.

Because it wasn’t going to happen.

No matter how much he screamed into his pillow, begged Jack for a second chance he knew wasn’t coming, cried until he couldn’t anymore and his head hurt.

He would have to find a way to do this alone - even though that thought was more painful than any injury he’d ever suffered.

_ He was going to be a father _ , and Dean was not going to be an uncle - and despite those concepts being so intertwined that trying to process one without the other felt impossible and sent his whole being in panic - he’d have to find a way.

Because it’s what Dean would have wanted, and trying to make Dean proud was about the only thing keeping him sane most days.

He was going to make damn sure that kid knew everything about his uncle. He would tell them all the stupid little details he held dearest, all the sacrificies and grand gestures. 

They’d know all about the big brother that had made it possible for them to have a dad, of the hero that saved the whole freaking world and still managed to not think himself as valuable as the little brother he’d raised.

He’d tell them all that and so much more, and it was going to feel like being stabbed right through the heart every single time.

It was never going to be okay. 

Hell, Sam was pretty sure it was never even going to be better.

“You always keep fighting” Dean had told him, and Sam would try. With everything he had, he would do his best to not let him down.

The sobs quieted down, silent tears still slipping down his face, and he made a promise to himself: he wouldn’t let grief swallow him, keep him from being the father he knew Dean believed he could be.

Doing this alone went against any instinct he’d ever had, made him cringe and want to throw up and punch something - but he’d do his best. Because that’s what Dean wanted, and he owed him that much. He owed him everything. 

And he had to believe that was reason enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not too confident about this, but it popped into my head and wouldn't get out. The idea of "Uncle Dean" has been stuck in my mind since the finle aired, making me miserable and making me cry for two months and it's not getting any better.
> 
> I don't think I'll ever able to forgive the show for this, more than for any other thing that happened in the finale.  
> So this is my attempt at exploring the nature of Sam's grief and contrasting feelings.
> 
> \---
> 
> That being said: hey!  
> English isn't my first language and I did not have a beta, so I'd appreciate y'all letting me know of any errors you could find.  
> Hope y'all enjoyed, let me know what you think!


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